“FROM TOLERANCE TO ACCEPTANCE TO
WELCOMING”
A Sermon by the Rev. Bruce Clear
Sunday,
All
My brother told me this summer he
was converting to Judaism, his wife’s religious tradition. My immediate reaction was to offer him
congratulations. During our
conversation, I recalled reading some years ago that rabbis are instructed that
if they are approached by a gentile about converting to Judaism, they must
refuse the request. If the person returns
requesting conversion a second time, the rabbi still must reject it. Only after the request is made a third time
may the rabbi consider accepting a convert.
The point being, as I understand it, that a conversion to Judaism
shouldn’t be a mere whim, but must be so serious that the convert has to
persist and make a substantial effort to demonstrate that seriousness.
So I asked my brother if that was
true. Basically, he said, it is
true. There are numerous classes to
attend, numerous meetings with the rabbi, a long list of projects to complete
in becoming familiar with Jewish tradition.
After accomplishing these tasks, he is ready to become a Jew.
I asked him about the kinds of
things he must do, and he said that over the summer he was required to attend a
number of Jewish ceremonies, social functions, and lectures around
Ignore that anecdote for a few
moments. That is not really what I want
to talk about this morning, though I will return to it after I outline my
subject. Today I am addressing an
exciting program that is being offered here called the “Welcoming
Congregation.” It is a project that prepares
and educates this congregation about being welcoming to diversity, but
especially to those of a minority sexual orientation – gay or lesbian or
bisexual or transgender. The program can
take some years to complete, but the outcome of the process would be the designation
of this congregation by the Unitarian Universalist Association as a “Welcoming
Congregation.” Almost a third of all UUA
congregations have been through this process by now, and received certification
as a “Welcoming Congregation.”
A UUA “Welcoming Congregation” is one that has taken time to look
seriously within itself to insure that every part of our church life is safe
and welcoming to people of all sexual orientations. I’ll say more about the specific program as I
continue, of course, but for now simply point out the obvious: that much of
this world is not safe and welcoming
for gays, lesbians, bisexuals, or transgendered people. All you need to do is pick up a paper and see
the bigotry displayed. At minimum, being
homosexual is unsafe simply when you are treated as an outcast from society or at
least treated as being somehow flawed.
At its extreme, being homosexual is dangerous because homosexuals are
frequent targets of violence.
To say a place is safe does not just
mean that there is no violence or even that there is no overt
discrimination. Rather, a safe place is
one where you are accepted as an equal, where your sexual orientation is not
something that defines your identity within that group. In a word, a safe place is where a person is
welcome – welcome to belong simply because of who they are.
It is important to understand that a
person’s sexual orientation is an innate part of their identity. There are those who believe it to be a
choice. To those who think sexual
orientation is a matter of choice or merely a matter of lifestyle, I would ask,
“If you are a heterosexual, is becoming homosexual something you are capable of choosing?” Unless they answer “yes,” I think they must
concede sexual orientation is not a choice.
We are born with our sexual
orientation, just as we are born with our nationality, as an American, say. We have no choice. It is also true that our nationality is a
part of who we are. I am an American. We are not constantly reminded of our nationality,
but we are aware.
But imagine if you are an American
living in a culture that is not your own, say
Sexual orientation is as much of a
person’s identity as is nationality. And
living in a heterosexual world must be a bit like living in a different country
where everything around you reminds you of those differences. But now add to that analogy that this foreign
country you live in as an American is hostile to Americans, that finds them
disgusting and sinful. How safe would
you feel in such a world?
This is the world that many gays,
lesbians, bisexuals and transgendered people live in. It is a hostile world, or at minimum a world
that gives signals of wishing they weren’t part of it, that they are
unwelcome. That is the point of this
whole program. The Welcoming
Congregation program is to insure that, at least in these specific UU churches,
if not anywhere else in the world, you are welcome regardless of your sexual
orientation.
This project is a logical and
inescapable extension of the First Principle of the Unitarian Universalist
Association: the inherent worth and dignity of every person. It is also, I might add, a logical extension of
the teachings of Jesus who not only preached, but practiced welcoming those who
were treated as outcasts in his own society.
This program simply follows that lead to its relevance in our world
today.
There seems to be a logical
progression in the scale of human relations between human groups. The first step is toleration. Unitarian Universalism is a religious
tradition that has the principle of tolerance as a foundation point. Five hundred years ago in Reformation Europe,
when the Catholics and Protestants were killing each other to achieve power,
and religions were imposed on the people by the ruling princes of the region,
there arose a King in Transylvania who issued the world’s first proclamation of
religious tolerance, declaring that each person be allowed to follow his or her
own conscience in matters of religion.
King John Segismond was the first, and only, Unitarian king in
history. His reign, by the way, was
short-lived.
But tolerance is really the first
step in building a just and caring society.
It is good to tolerate people who are different, but the word “tolerate”
carries with it an underlying negative nuance.
You “tolerate” things you don’t like, but are willing to put up with. You “tolerate” things you’d rather not have
to do or prefer not to have in you life.
If an adult says to a teenager, “that music you keep playing on the
radio is ‘tolerable,’” that comment is not a high compliment. When you tolerate something, you simply
acknowledge its right to exist.
The next step after tolerance is acceptance. Not only am I willing to tolerate someone, (or
someone’s music, as in the example) you also acknowledge its importance, and
accept that it has some intrinsic value
and worth. When you’re turning the radio
dial and it hits the teenager’s music that you would allow only when the
teenager is there, you move on to something that is more acceptable to you. When you find something acceptable, you leave
the dial there for a while. When you
accept a person as who they are, you
say they have inherent worth and
dignity.
But beyond acceptance is to be
welcoming. It is not just to tolerate or
to accept something as having value;
it is to want it, or even to seek it out.
Something that I welcome is something I acknowledge to have value not
just in and of itself, but it has value to
me. We accept people when we
acknowledge their inherent worth as people.
We welcome people when we acknowledge their inherent worth to us.
Back to the radio analogy, there is music we’ll tolerate if someone is
in the car who values it, even if we don’t.
There is music we accept if we are changing stations and find something
we are willing to listen to for a while.
But there is also music we actively seek, music we turn the dial to
find, because we enjoy it, and because it enhances our life.
Like all analogies, this one goes
only so far. The point is simply that by
becoming a Welcoming Congregation, we are saying more than just we are tolerant
of those with minority sexual orientation.
We are saying more than just we are willing to accept them as equal
members in this congregation. What we
are saying is that these people are important to us as people. Don’t
misunderstand. They are not important to
us because of their sexual orientation.
Nor, for that matter, are they important to us in spite of their sexual
orientation. They are important to us,
and their sexual orientation does not affect that importance in any way. In other words, from a welcoming perspective,
there is no “they” and “us.” THEY are
part of US. That is the point of being welcoming!
The Unitarian Universalist Church
has long played a leading role among religious groups in advocating for justice
and respect for sexual orientation minorities.
The conservative denominations, of course, have consistently been
outright hostile to homosexuals, claiming them to be an abomination. Other religious groups have been struggling
with such issues of justice, and as far as I can tell, they are nearly all
stuck in the tolerance stage, fighting over whether or not to be tolerant of
those with minority sexual orientation.
For at least the last ten years, and still today, most mainstream
denominations, such as Lutherans and Presbyterians, have been battling over the
simple rights and equality of homosexuals.
Questions of church membership by gays and lesbians or ordination of
homosexual clergy have become the most volatile of disputes among these
groups. It has become within their
churches a fundamental and divisive litmus test of religious faithfulness. Anger and schism have resulted. The worldwide Anglican Church is on the verge
of expelling the American Episcopal Church for ordaining an openly gay
bishop. Methodist churches are
conducting heresy trials. Clergy are
being excommunicated for performing same-sex union ceremonies, and so forth.
I am proud that the Unitarian
Universalist movement dealt with these concerns of tolerance decades ago, and have moved on. And yet, our work is far from done. We are
now at the stage of acceptance, and working on the stage of welcoming. If you look at the history of the Unitarian
Universalist approach to this question, you can observe the progression from
tolerance (which basically means non-discrimination) to acceptance (which
basically means acknowledging a person’s inherent value) to welcoming (which
basically means recognizing that a person has value to me, not just in and of
themselves). Here are some highlights of
that history
As early as 1970, the UUA General
Assembly passed a General Resolution calling for an end to discrimination
against homosexuals and bisexuals. In
1974, the UUA established a staff office called “Office of Gay Affairs,” later
to become today the Office of Bisexual, Gay, Lesbian and Transgender
Concerns. In 1979,
As an institution, the UUA dealt
with the stage of tolerance over thirty years ago, and now has moved on to the
stage of welcoming. The Welcoming
Congregation program gives each congregation the opportunity to go through the
same process.
The most common first reaction to
this program tends to be the comment, “But we’re already a welcoming congregation.
We are warm and friendly and accepting of everyone, including gays and
lesbians, so why would we need a program to confirm what we already know?”
I say this is a common reaction to
the program precisely because that was my thinking when I first heard about it
years ago. I wondered why, since we are a welcoming congregation by nature, and
since we are open to all people, and
since we do not accept discrimination
of any kind, then why do we need to go through a formal educational process in
order to receive UUA certification as a welcoming congregation?
It took a while, but eventually I
came to understand why. Which brings me
back to the story I began with, the story of my brother’s conversion to
Judaism. The reason for us to go through
such a process to become a certified “Welcoming Congregation” is the same
reason that my brother is expected to undergo extensive study and personal
introspection before being recognized as a convert to Judaism. There is no reason that he couldn’t just
declare to the world, “I’m Jewish now,” simply because he believes himself to
be Jewish and has adopted Judaism has his new religious tradition. He could
do that, but in order for his declaration to have any real meaning, there must
be a process of self-reflection and study that substantiates the meaning of his
declaration.
Likewise, we could simply declare
ourselves to be a “welcoming congregation,” and leave it at that. We can declare this because we are, well, a
congregation that is welcoming to
diverse people of the world, and because we do
reject any form of discrimination. Isn’t
that what being “welcoming” is all about?
But the reason for a more formal
program certifying us as a “welcoming congregation” is the same reason my
brother’s declaration of Jewish identity has deeper meaning only if he goes
through a process of education and introspection first. A simple declaration of identity is nice, but
it really isn’t enough if we mean it.
A simple declaration that this
congregation is welcoming to those of a minority sexual orientation may in fact
be true enough, but it means a lot more – it can be taken more seriously – if
we also say that we’ve been through a process of introspection and study of how
we operate as a congregation. Then we
know our declaration is more than just words.
Here is one simple example of what I
mean. I think I am safe in saying that
our congregation stands solidly against discrimination toward any minority
group. But did you know, as I didn’t
until it was pointed out very recently, that nowhere in our by-laws do we have
a non-discrimination clause about either membership or staff employment? Not only is there no non-discrimination
clause about sexual orientation, but there is none concerning race or ethnicity
or gender. Every one of us, I think,
would be supportive of non-discrimination clauses in all public and private
institutions in this country. But unless
we take the effort to look at ourselves carefully, we easily overlook things
that ought to be noticed.
There is certain irony that a
religious institution which prides itself on promoting non-discrimination, even
as a religious principle, has overlooked the fact for a hundred years that it’s
own by-laws are silent on the issue. It
makes one wonder what else we may be overlooking, which we’ll never know unless
we are serious and intentional about looking at ourselves.
The process of study and
introspection that this program offers gives us is an opportunity to see the
ways in which our actions are in keeping with our beliefs. The fact that we have no statement of
non-discrimination in our by-laws would probably never have been noticed
without the process of introspection that this program offers. When we are intentional and serious about
insuring how open our congregation is to diversity, then when we say we are “welcoming” here, we can say it knowing
there is substantial evidence to back up that claim, and that we are practicing
what we preach.
I would like to close with a comment
from the Rev. David Morris of the
The Unitarian Church of
Charlottesville spent ten years going through the process to become a Welcoming
Congregation, and these are the words from the minister at the service when the
project of becoming certified was completed:
“The truth, I believe is that no… completely
safe place exists. Homophobia and
heterosexual privilege are woven into the fabric of our culture, just as white
privilege and class privilege are woven into it. Those messages are internalized at a very
early age regardless of our gender orientation.
As a Welcoming Congregation, we can’t realistically promise to make all
of that disappear – but we can promise not to pretend it isn’t there; we can promise
not to deny that we are affected by our culture’s norms, we can promise to
accept responsibility for acknowledging and grappling with our internalized
lessons and attitudes.
“To be a Welcoming
Congregation is to commit to a journey of discovery and transformation, and to
accept honestly that we are embarked on that journey, not done with it. It is to commit to a continuing process of
education, learning more about those who are different from us, learning more
about ourselves. Along the way we will
all stumble and make blunders. We will
say things that are inadvertently hurtful.
We will forget the impact of our habitual forms of expression have. We’ll catch ourselves – or get caught –
creating separations when we think we’re being inclusive. . . .
“I’ve said that
claiming the Welcoming Congregation designation is like coming out. When a person comes out about their sexual
identity, they are not claiming to have resolved all their issues, their
internalized oppressions, their fears about others’ responses to them. Coming out is a declaration of commitment to
wholeness, not a claim that we’re already there.”
That is what this program is
about: a commitment to wholeness. This morning represents an invitation to join
us in that journey.