“SAVING THE WORLD THROUGH SMALL GROUPS”
A Sermon by the Rev. Bruce Clear
Sunday,
All
Most of the sermons I give are
directly or indirectly about religious issues.
From time to time I speak on historical matters and significant people
in history, but I always do so with the intent of discovering some religious
insight from that history. I sometimes
speak on topics dealing with psychology or personal human growth. In doing so, I attempt to approach those
issues in terms of values I understand to be religious. And sometimes I address social issues facing
our country and our world – war and peace, political liberty, racial justice
and so forth. But I always try frame
those issues in terms of religious values.
Once in a while, I feel the need to
offer a sermon that is more specifically addressed to the needs of this
congregation. In my mind I think of
these as “housekeeping” sermons – addressing topics we need to consider as a
congregational institution. My
housekeeping sermons, then, are more practical than religious.
Today’s sermon has been promoted as
launching a new and exciting program for this congregation – the creation of
small groups that will meet regularly for discussions. Since this is a new program for All Souls,
one might think my sermon falls under the category of “housekeeping.” One would be wrong to think that.
In one sense, this may be the most
explicitly religious sermon I ever prepared.
It is “religious” in the purest and deepest meaning of the word
“religion.”
Religion is not, primarily, about
creeds or doctrines concerning the nature of God or the afterlife. Those are a by-product of the human religious
impulse, and not religion itself.
Religion, at its root, is about relationship, about our sense of
connection to things outside of us. The
etymological meaning of the word derives from “connection” or “binding
together.” In other words, it is about
being and feeling “connected.”
We are religious when we consider
our personal relationship with the cosmos.
We are religious when we ponder our personal relationship with
humanity. We are religious when we
identify our connection to the great traditions of history. We are religious when we contemplate our place
in the future.
Religion is about being and feeling
connected and related to things outside of us.
The small group program we are launching today is about that above all
else.
The committee that has been working
for several months to design this new program spent considerable time trying to
define the purpose of these small groups.
Finally, it agreed on the following definition:
Through All Souls Small groups, participants (will) establish new and
deeper connections with one another, and find a place for religious
exploration, personal and spiritual growth.
So there’s that word “connection”
again. The program we launch today is
devoted to connection – of people to people on a deep and personal level, and
of individuals to religious and philosophical ideas, on a deep and personal
level.
We hope with this program to
strengthen and deepen the sense of community within All Souls. Many of us are often sloppy in our use of
that word “community.” Certainly it has
something to do with connection and relationship, but surely it is more than,
say, a neighborhood organization or a civic club. M. Scott Peck, one of the popular writers on
the subject of community, defined the concept more radically. He writes,
Community is “a group of individuals who have learned how to
communicate honestly with each other, whose relationships go deeper than their
masks of composure, and have developed some significant commitment to ‘rejoice
together, mourn together, and to delight in each other.’”
There’s that word “relationship’
again. Our hope is to strengthen the
community of All Souls by deepening the relationships within this congregation,
and offering opportunities for better exploration of religious, spiritual and
philosophical ideas.
Why do we choose “small groups” as
an avenue to this end? I assure you we
are not inventing the wheel here. This
has been a proven method to achieve these goals in literally scores of Unitarian
Universalist congregations, as well as countless other religious communities.
Small groups of seven to ten people meet on a regular basis, one to
four times a month, to discuss personal, religious and philosophical
concerns. The structure is designed to
strengthen the personal connection of people to each other, to the larger
church, and to the UU values in the religious quest for meaning and insights
about life.
Advocates of the small group process
begin with a very simple question: Why
do people come to churches? It is a
basic question, so basic that the obvious answers escape us.
How many of you came to a UU church
because you wanted to join a committee?
How many of you came to a UU church because you wanted something else to
do on Sunday morning rather than read the Sunday paper? How many of you came to this UU church
because you love potluck lunches, or you like getting dressed up, or you like
getting dressed down when other people get dressed up?
Why do people come to our churches?
There are really only two reasons most people come here. The first is that they are looking for a
community of relationships. They want to
find a community of people with similar values with whom they can share their
lives. Families want to bond with other
families so their children can become friends with other children from a similar
background of values. Adults also want
to share their lives with other adults of similar values. They want people with whom they can share
life’s struggles and accomplishments.
The other reason people come to
church is to find an arena where they can safely explore the deeper meanings of
life. We want to confront life’s
ultimate questions of existence: who am
I? Why am I here? How do I know what is right and what is
true? People who come to a Unitarian
Universalist church for exploring life more deeply tend to need as a safe place
a church community that is not judgmental and is encouraging of those who are
seeking their own answers rather than wanting to subscribe to some outside
creed.
So those are the two reasons people
may come here: for community
relationship and for religious and philosophical exploration.
Those who come here for the first
reason tend to be saying to themselves, “I need to find a place to belong,
where people care about each other and are willing to support each other on
life’s path.” Those who come here for
the second reason tend to be saying to themselves, “I long to search more
deeply about life’s meaning. I want to
confront the tough questions of life and find my own answers.
These are the two reasons most
people come to this church. Most likely
they come here for both reasons, whether they know it or not. They may think they are looking for a
community in which to belong, but subconsciously they are probably also seeking
a safe place to explore more deeply ideas and meanings in life. Or they may think they are searching for a
place to confront ideas of religious and philosophical meaning, but
subconsciously they are probably also yearning for a community which will share
their religious journey.
UU minister Roy Philips combines
these two reasons for people coming to our churches when he imagines them
saying this:
“There is an empty place in me that needs filling. I need to be with other people who care as
much about life as I do, who have the same deep and scary questions that I do,
who have known love and loss like I have, who are willing to be companions with
me on this strange spiritual pilgrimage that is my life.”
The Small Groups program exists to
address specifically these two reasons most people come to church.
Where did this idea come from? There were many sources. In the last couple of decades, social
scientists have observed the appearance of huge non-denominational churches –
sometimes called “mega” churches, sometimes called “meta-churches” – that tend
to attract between five and fifteen thousand members. Church experts studying this phenomenon have
pointed out that most of them seem to include as an important part of their
structure the existence of small groups of 8 to 12 people who meet regularly
apart from the larger congregation.
These people become close friends, sharing their personal stories and
concerns. Yes, they are often called
prayer groups or Bible study groups, but there is no question that the primary
purpose of the group is to provide a structure where a groups of ten people can
come to know each other closely enough to become a bonded group that cares for
each other. What they do in the group is
incidental to the existence of the group itself.
When this parallel is mentioned,
many UUs will dismiss the model altogether because, well, we don’t want to be
like the evangelicals. That is not what
we are about. I confess I had some of
the same feeling when I first heard about this model, but I have come to understand
three things about the model that disqualify it from that simplistic
parallel.
First of all, the model is primarily about structure, rather
than about content. To say the small
group model is not for us because it works for churches that are not like us is
like saying that we shouldn’t have a Board of Trustees because the Baptists
have them, or we shouldn’t have a Sunday School program because the Catholics
have them. It is important to separate
the notion of structure from content, and realize that if a structure works
well, like a Sunday School program, we can fill it with whatever content works
for us.
The second point about using this
model is that the American mega-churches aren’t the only inspiration for
it. One UU leader who has promoted the
small group program in our churches was inspired by observing what is perhaps the
most successful free religious group in the world, which is the Japanese
counterpart to Unitarian Universalism, a religious movement called Rissho
Kosei-kai.
There are a number of religious
movements around the world that resemble Unitarian Universalism in their
devotion to religious freedom, tolerance and reason. In
The leaders of Rissho Kosei-kai
attributes much of its success to its structure around small groups. Small groups are the primary association of
members, and those groups are designed to help each other in need, much like
the words of our own Covenant: to help one another.
Besides the mega-church model and
the Buddhist model, there are other significant historical models for this
program. Christianity itself began in
what was called “house churches,” where small groups of people gathered once a
week or so in homes. It wasn’t until
almost centuries after the founding of Christianity that community churches
were built and became the norm for Christianity. It should also be noted that Universalism in
the 1700s began based on the early Christian “house church” model with small
groups forming the core of the movement.
A third reason that this model
should not be dismissed because it has been so successful in evangelical
churches is the incontrovertible fact that the model has been astoundingly
successful recently in Unitarian Universalist churches. In the last five or six years, nearly half of
our churches have adopted small group programs like the one we are beginning,
and invariably they report success:
growth in membership, increased commitment of church members, greater
satisfaction by everyone in their association with the church. Whatever might be said in resistance to this
project, one cliché remains true: you
can’t argue with success.
A close look at it easily reveals, I
think, why this can work so well for UUs.
Our congregations thrive on discussions and conversations. We exist not on the premise of having the
church teach us some revealed truth, but rather on the premise of discovering
life’s meaning through shared religious journeys.
When UU minister James Ishmael Ford
of the
But Rev. Ford emphasized that true
conversation involves not just talk, but also listening:
“Talking is fine,” he said.
“Really, talking is important.
But when we throw listening into the mix, then I believe are very near
to heaven. Our possible spiritual
practice actually comes about when we listen a little more than we talk.”
There is little wonder, then, why
these programs have been so successful among UU congregations. We have a natural, even religious,
inclination toward discussion and conversation.
Small groups exist on the premise that listening to each other is not
only as valuable as talking, it is an essential part in bonding people in
shared exploration of life meaning.
Long-time All Souls members will
recall a very successful program some years ago that resembles the small group
process. They were called “dinner
discussion groups.” Those programs
lasted a long time and, as I say, worked exceedingly well. But recent attempts to resurrect them have
not worked, in part because daily life is different now than it was in the
1960s and 70s. The model I am presenting
this morning takes the best of that older model and adapts it to our
times.
Let me be just a bit more specific
about what these small groups will look like.
Those who have studied small group process seem to agree that there are
several essential ingredients to make it work.
The first ingredient is size. They must be, well, small – seven to ten
people. That seems to be the optimal
size to allow everyone to participate fully, and for everyone to get to know
the other members.
Another ingredient is that the
groups develop and agree on their own points of covenant. “Covenant,” in this sense, means the
guidelines we each agree to accept for the group. There are a number of items to be
determined. They might include an
agreement to begin and end on time, an agreement to keep conversations as
confidential as possible, an agreement of regular attendance, an agreement
about interrupting other speakers, and so forth.
Another ingredient is a having a
trained facilitator or co-facilitators.
These are not discussion leaders, nor are the presenters of a discussion
topic. It is their task simply to see
that the conversation flows efficiently and everyone is included and has a
chance to speak.
Another ingredient is format. This may sound a bit trivial, but it turns
out to be vital. The format includes an
opening ritual – a reading or lighting a chalice – followed by a “check-in”
which participants use to tell what’s been going on in their life or else
express how they’ve been feeling that day.
Anyone may pass on a check-in.
Next is the discussion topic. The
group decides the topic, but sample topics are provided by the organizing
committee. Topics may be anything, but
samples include
Living with Fear
Sacred Places in Our Lives
Forgiveness
Experience of Music
Learning from Failure
Parents and Adult Children
Giving Thanks
I say the one ingredient is a
designated format, but format should not be confused with content. The topics can really be anything the group
chooses.
Again I emphasize that each group
frames their own topic. As you can see
from the brochure, some groups are already focused on very specific topics,
such as alternative medicine or church and state issues. The format works, it has been found,
regardless of how the topic is designed.
After the general discussion, the
group has an opportunity for “check-out,” a time when each member may express
their appreciations of how the meeting went or their wishes for something
different in the next meeting. The
check-out is followed by a closing reading.
That’s the whole proposed
format. Meetings are designed to last
about two hours, though those parameters are part of the covenant to be agreed
on by the members.
There is another ingredient that may
not, at first, seem to be an obvious piece.
Each small group is expected to offer some service to the church or to the
community at least once over the year.
That service may be to serve at a coffee hour or paint a room at the
church or join a community walkathon for some charity. Expecting a service activity reminds us that
a small group exists as part of the larger community. It keeps us connected and not isolated.
Now having described the group, I
have one more “nuts and bolts” concern to address. I would like for the planning committee to
stand so you can see who has been working on this project. Many on the committee have agreed to be group
facilitators, and I would like for them and all others who have agreed to be
group facilitators to stand.
Following the service you will have
an opportunity to sign up, based upon you first, second, or third choice of group. Look for Mike Middleton or other committee
members at the sign-up table. You may
also take the brochure home to ponder it longer, and either call in, email in,
or next Sunday bring in your sign-up preferences.
So you see the small group design is
fairly simple. We’re not talking
subatomic physics – though the group may choose that topic if they wish. But the design has a purpose. Let me return to the poem by David Whyte I
gave earlier as a reading. The poem
begins with these words:
It doesn’t interest me if there is one God or many gods.
I want to know if you belong or you feel abandoned.
There is something a little off the
mark in those words. The fact is that I am interested
in whether there is one God or many or none, and I am interested in what you
think about the topic. But first I want
to know how you are doing, if you feel alright.
Only when I acknowledge our connection can we then explore into other
questions of meaning. That is the design
of small groups.
It is that sense of connection and
relationship that is at the core of the human religious impulse.
A generation ago, Jewish philosopher Martin Buber made a profound
contribution to theology in a little book called “I and Thou.” Buber suggested that religion happens when
relationship is formed. When another
person becomes not just another person, but a “Thou,” a person with intrinsic
worth and dignity, then there is something sacred in the relationship between
us that doesn’t exist, say, in our relationship with our TV or with our
house.
The task of religion is to reach the
point where other people become “Thou,” rather than an object. Where others become a sacred part of our own
lives.
Rabbi Harold Kushner, the modern
popular writer, has used Martin Buber’s idea to offer what I find to be the
best explanation of the idea of “God” I can recall. Here is what Kushner said:
“When people ask me, 'Where is God?' I tell them I
would rather rephrase the question to read, 'When is God?' Asking 'where' implies that God is an object
located in a specific place, and if we could just find the right place, we
would find God. Asking 'When is God?'
gives us the idea that God can be anywhere, if the right things are happening. When people are loving, brave, truthful, charitable,
God is present. God is not in the place,
but in the moment.
Then he invoked Buber this way:
“Martin Buber, when asked, 'Where is God found?' would
reply that when people act toward each other in a truly human fashion, God
fills in the empty space between them.
Like an electric arc between poles, God is not so much in either person,
as in the relationship that connects one with the other.
There is that idea
of relationship again as the core of religion.
The love and care that is expressed between and among human beings is,
for me, an expression of the divinity that lies behind the logic and order of
the universe. This, I think, is the
meaning of a line from e.e. cummings when he wrote:
"Love is a deeper season than
reason."
The poet Rainer Maria Rilke once
wrote, “I live my life in ever widening circles, each superseding all the
previous ones. Perhaps I never shall
succeed in reaching the final circle, but attempt I will.”
In a nutshell, the small group
program is an attempt to widen our circles of meaningful engagement with both
other people and other ideas. There can
be nothing more elementally religious than that.
You can see this is not a
“housekeeping” sermon. I’m not talking
about tidying up fixing up some corner of our church life. I am talking about adding a new room, a den
or family room, to our church home.
It is important to recognize that
these small groups are not therapy groups – these groups are not designed to
repair lives that are broken in certain places.
But they are designed to provide a safe place to find support and
encouragement on a very personal level.
And it is important to keep in mind that these groups are not classes at
all; it is not the place for one member to teach something to another member. But they are designed to be a place where we
can listen and learn from others simply by sharing our separate journeys and
ideas.
In effect these groups are designed
to help make real our church’s Covenant on a personal and practical level, and
not just as an aspiration and ideal.
With small groups, we might find that we can dwell together in peace, we
can seek the truth in love, and we can help one another, while all the time
honoring love as the foundational spirit of this church.